More About the Trip to NI

Introduction: Since I did not have good Internet access while abroad I was able to journal in Word instead and save it to upload later. Below is some of the journaling I did. Also included are the notes and often the exact words and phrases from some of the lectures and presentations. I decided to include them in case anyone was interested. Hopefully more pictures will follow soon. I have uploaded them to Facebook but will probably still do a few of my favorites on here.
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Monday

10:15 am local time, 5:15 am Kansas time
Ed Cairns (he’s Protestant), School of Psychology, University of Ulster (from Coleraine Main Campus)
Psychology and Reconciliation in Northern Ireland

Names, school you went to, games you played, where you were from—all ways to know if someone may be Catholic. He did a study of students. Probability of names shows this is not always a good way to know Religion. He considers himself a “peace psychologist.”

Overview:

The Past: Background to “The Troubles”
The Present: Good News
The Present: Bad news
The Future

“The Troubles”
Over 3,600 deaths since 1969, on a pro rata basis equivalent to some 100,000 deaths in Britain, or 500,000 deaths in the USA (O’Leary & McGarry, 1992), “physical casualties” estimates 40,000-50,000, “psychological causalities” number unknown casualties.
Psychologically distanced from violence and troubles. “As abnormality becomes a normality.” Cars were not to be left unattended. Some people left their children in the car to signal that the car was not a threat when they ran into a store. “The Peacefires” political cartoons. Process= afraid to use the word peace, not there yet.

Headlines May 2005- from news

Power Sharing with Sworn Enemies- Martin Maginnis- local IRA leader in Derry and Ian Pasely” Democratic Unionist Party called “the chuckle buddies” because they were always seen happy and laughing together.

Pictures of destruction and reconstruction. Went from soldiers on the streets to tourists on the streets. Tourism is now doing very well. Stag parties and baccalaureate parties come over from England for the weekend. Cruise ships now come to Belfast.

Suffering continues post-conflict
The prevalence of probable PTSD in Northern Ireland after a period of relative peace is approximately 10%.
Since 1998, Belfast North and Belfast West had suicide rates over 50 percent higher than the UK rate.

Intergroup Relations: Belfast “peace” wall- made higher twice so that people couldn't’t throw things over. People on both sides want these walls. Still being built. Peter Shirlow calls these interface areas. People feel safe with the walls there. “Benign apartheid”: people moving into areas of similar people, self-segregation for comfort.

Ethnic groups fighting, not religious. May not believe in a certain religion, but do claim to be Catholic or Protestant due to ethnicity. When people meet strangers they only do small talk such as weather, no talk about religion/ethnicity or politics. “Intergroup anxiety.” Schools still mostly segregated (about 5% now mixed) but universities are not. First time to meet with people from other ethnic communities.

Statistics since peace agreement passed.

The Influence of Extremists
Extremists have an influence in their communities far beyond that suggested by their actual numbers.
The fear of entering areas dominated by the ‘other’ group can be influenced by threats, both imagined and real, that are set against people by members of their ‘own’ community.
People want to meet those from other areas/ethnicities, but are afraid to do so. People disguise themselves with fake names, shopping bags from their own area when they shop in other areas. “We tolerate each other by keeping away from each other.”

End of War Does Not Mean Start of Peace. American cartoon with names not matching ethnicity.

“No War, No Peace” pictures.
• Today many of the remaining contested issues are Symbolic/Psychological.
• What should the territory be called “Northern Ireland” or “North of Ireland”?
• What should one particular city be called Londonderry or Derry? (local radio personality called it “slash city” due to L/Derry or L’Derry)
• Which flags/emblems/marches should be allowed?
• Should local soldiers returning from Iraq be allowed a homecoming parade? (British)
Murals and graffiti.

The Future:
Social Psychology’s Contribution to Reconciliation
Social Identity Theory
Contact Theory

Social Identity Theory
Social Identity theory “puts the individual in the group and the group in the individual.”
Henri Tajfel

Identity and classifications: How do you identify your self? Others? Self esteem of groups. Always identify as part of groups.

Social Identity Salience
Stretches from individual to group identity
Difficult to change groups—catholic or protestant. You will forever be what you were. People knew you before you changed and will still identify you that way.

Social Identity Theory (SIT)
Research and surveys- mixed and segregated housing areas. More impact of living in segregated areas when they visit other mixed areas or areas of other group.

Contact Theory: Allport (1954)
• Prejudice…may be reduced by equal status contact between majority and minority groups in the pursuit of common goals.
• The effect is greatly enhanced if this contact is sanctioned by institutional supports (i.e., by law, custom or local atmosphere) and provided it is of a sort that leads to the perception of common interests and common humanity between members of the two groups.
Schools are Catholic, protestant, or mixed (mixed may have started in early 1990s). All are government funded. Catholic Church may own catholic school buildings.

Social Identity a key variable in implementing contact:
Intergroup identification is an important moderating variable
LO ID: intergroup anxiety may be the key variable to improving intergroup relations
HI ID: symbolic threat (as opposed to realistic threat) may be a more important variable.
Lesson: on size does not fit all.

NI: Conflicting Identities

Gaertner, Dovidio et al. (1993, Colgate University?): Common intergroup identity model
Keep current identity, not replace, but include original identities and incorporate them into a like identity.

Contact and the development of a Superordinate Identity: “Northern Irish”
3 surveys: Adults, teenagers, primary school.
High quality interaction, people became friends and were conscious that they were interacting with people from the other groups.

The “extended contact effect”
Secondhand contact such as a friend of a friend does have impact, says studies.
…the mere knowledge that an in-group friend has an out-group friend could help to reduce prejudice. Evidence to support this in Northern Ireland.

Leaders & The ‘extended contact effect”
Picture of Pasely and MacGinnis lauging again.

Conclusions:
In Northern Ireland we need to “reconstruct and reconstruct the (identity) relationship between the in-group and outgroup, such that is comes to be seen as benign and even positive and productive, rather than conflictual” (Livingstone and Halslam, 2007. p.17)

Good Friday Agreement called the Belfast Agreement by the Catholics and Protestants.

Has written a book called “Children and Political Violence” in 1996.

“Can you have positive peace in benign apartheid?” –Terrie McCants
“We don’t love each other more than we did but at least we’re not killing each other.”—Ed Cairnes

Many causes of the troubles- economic, psychological, ethical, ethnicity, etc.
…

Dr. Stephen (Steven?) Ryan
Senior Lecturer of the Conflict and…

Identity, ethnic, intercommunity conflict. Peace building, conflict transformation.

Difficulties in moving out of conflict…
1. Unfinished business
2. Peace treaties interpreted differently. Which is better?
3. Groups opposing the peace agreement
a. Spoilers- writer Steven Stedman
b. ETA—extreme nationalists, Dr. Ryan is worried about extreme killings by this group in NI’s future.
4. Residue of conflict
a. Militarization
b. Ethnocentrism
c. Residential Segregation
d. Enemy Image
e. Attribution
f. Demonization
5. What if an agreement is bad? Flawed?


He met a man who said it was “safer to fire bullets at the other side than to fire questions at those on his side.”


Three types of approaches for societies in conflict:
1. Actor-centered approach. Focus on forgiveness and reconciliation. You can’t have true forgiveness without individual pressure and intention. It has to come from within.
Us-Them/Me-You dimension, need to recognize interpersonal/intergroup dimension (mentioned Corrymela)
2. Superordinate goals (Sherif)—only received if working with the other side.
“We-ness”
Sports used for team building
Spillover

Two Key Dimensions to Structural Change
1. Political
Consociational Democracy
2. Economic
3.

Four…
1. Grand Coalition
2. Proportionality
3. Mutual Veto
4. Segmental Autonomy

MLA—Member of the Legislative Assembly
1960s NI Civil Rights Movement

EMU Approach—Education…
Citizen Approach

Question and Answer Session
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Tuesday, March 17, 2009
5:20 pm Ireland time, 12:20 pm Kansas time

Hello! This is a note about today’s ventures to the other side…and back again.

Today has been a long day for me. I’ve been taking some hormones due to infertility issues I have been having over the past several months and I am pretty sure they are causing my depression and anxiety to be much more apparent to me, especially today. Internally I have been very emotional and have needed to step aside from the activities around me a couple times. Today was a very depressing day, except for the St. Paddy’s Day Celebrations.

We were able to sleep in a little today and then eat our normal big Irish breakfast. I was awake, showered, dressed, and ready by 9:30 am. Breakfast was good as usual. It has been hard to eat the same meal every morning so yesterday I had only a bowl of cereal and plate of berries. Today I had two fried eggs (they are always cooked sunny-side up) and three half pieces of wheat toast and a banana. Good meal. It's great to have so many choices of what to eat at each breakfast!

This morning we boarded the bus once again for a tour of Derry/Londonderry. Today’s tours were to see the murals which are painted all over town. A first for this course, we headed over the bridge to the “waterside,” the part of the town that is inhabited by the many of the British Loyalists (Protestants) as well as some Catholic and mixed areas. This side of the river is called the “bogside.” There are actually Catholics and Protestants on both sides and some in the same neighborhoods. Many neighborhoods are still segregated but a lot of this is by choice. This is often called “benign apartheid” because the people choose to segregate for safety and comfort but are not purposely segregated by the government.

We visited many murals on both sides of the river today as well as the Free Derry Museum. I was overcome by the reality of all that has happened. It’s hard to believe that such a beautiful place with such beautiful and happy people could possibly have gone through such hardship. The people were literally warring with one another. It was very sad. Recent violence in Northern Ireland has brought out strong feelings from those who have lived through The Troubles. They refuse to go back to that time, to relive the horror. They want the peace to be long-lasting and do not want their children and grandchildren to experience the terror that they had to live through and cope with. Several times while we’ve been here there have been short discussions on the recent violence. Each time the locals reiterate again and again the sentiment that no one wants The Troubles to start again. No one wants violence.

11:00 pm Ireland time, 6:00 pm Kansas time
On a lighter note, today is Saint Patrick’s Day! Since we happen to be in Ireland, we wanted to do as the Irish do. We attended the parade at 2:30 pm with the rest of the area residents and tourists. It was quite a scene! Soooo very many people gathered and thickly lined the streets and sidewalks on Strand Street, one of the main streets through the shopping district of Derry. Until today I had seen very few children in the area and those I did see were either teens on their way home from school or young children in strollers. Today there were children everywhere! So many in fact that I was afraid I was going to step on the adorable little (wee) Irish kids. They didn’t even seem to notice the crowds or the fact that everyone was pushing and shoving around them. It was nice to see the children enjoying the beautiful day. It made me miss my own kids a bit more.

After the parade, which lasted possibly 20 minutes, we again toured murals on the bogside. I thought about buying a book that showed all the area murals but decided against it because I’d taken several pictures already and could get the others from friends (my battery died and my other one was in the bus a couple blocks away so I decided it wasn’t worth running to get it).

There are a few more things I’d like to get in while we’re here but I doubt that I will be able to do so. These are:

Visit the home of an Irish LDS family—I’d hoped to join in a Family Home Evening but the phone book didn’t show the local church building so I wasn’t able to call them. I would have looked them up on the Internet but didn’t think about it the one day we had a connection. Now I’m hoping to run over there by taxi, unless it isn’t too far to walk, tomorrow evening when they would most likely be doing mutual and scouting activities and such. I’d like to get a hold of a family to discuss their perspectives of The Troubles and how they were affected as LDS members and in regards to their family history. This really interests me since their identity may be different than others who experienced this time of strife. (Didn't get to do this but still plan to send an email to the local bishop if possible.)

Ride the ferry on the River Foyle: The ferry is just at the bottom of the street from here and I see it almost daily. I really want to ride it and be able to get different views of the river and city. I still have a bit of hope. (No time to do this either. I think I was the only one who really wanted to do this too and there wasn't really any time to do so. Others had previously been interested but had other things they wanted to do.)

Figure out what my paper will be about. Again, I need the Internet so that I may access the syllabus to read the specifics again. I’d also like to look at my bank account because I’m sure I’ve spent more than I should have so I’d like to know where I’m at and make sure my account is still surviving.

There were probably other things that I really wanted to do before leaving Derry but now I’m not thinking of them. I purposely avoided going back into the shopping area of town today when the rest of the class went. Instead I saved money by coming back to the guesthouse and chatting with Michael, whilst trying to journal. :D

I left the celebrations (live music and dancing) early tonight so that I would have time to journal and to share these thoughts. When I’m ready to write I must write! It’s getting late now so I plan to go right to bed. Good night to all!
Me
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Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Panel (I need to get the names off my itinerary.)

Agreement of political leaders on a way forward. “Attitude No Change.” Can we leave our past behind? How do we leave our past behind?
Book of “Lost Lives” includes an account of every single life lost during the Troubles. The book makes the Troubles personal. BBC show “the legacy.” This has people talking about how they were affected by the Troubles.

Brandon: Healing Through Remembering group.

“Not yet ready, the wounds are too raw.”

Epilogues- series of six Cd's looking at the troubles.

Aims-Bradley Report. Opens debate and allows everyone to be engaged.

Dennis Bradley- former priest from Donegal and Derry. Formed Notherlands about drug dependency and group dependency. Deputy chief of policing board of NI.

“This is a colossal issue: conflict resolution.”- Dennis
Magnitude of looking at the past. When is the appropriate time to do it? Overwhelming response to leave it alone. Do not give it attention. You will get bitten/smitten/contaminated in some way. All pasts are difficult. If you take something like our past you get something monstrous. 150 years after a conflict was probably too early. Was drawn to that viewpoint. Persuaded to look at the past because it’s about 400 years old, with different manifestations throughout those 400 years. Post-colonial country. Too close to the colonizer. There are no disputes like a family dispute. The memories become more bitter and more sorrow because the islands are so close. The Good Friday Agreement was running into the muck of the past, constantly, and I think too often. What I mean by that is I think our politicians were fighting issues that were to do with the past in some manifestation but weren’t really dealing with the past as such. Nothing was happening for about eight months. Policing and justice. The irony of that is that the manifestation of the old unionist controlled states fell, were brought down politically when the powers of policing and justice were taken away from Stormont and were given back to … Unionist saw the rightfulness of their legal and political matuism wihint the powers that exist within policy and justice. Those powers give you the power within government. Unionist had really rejected taking those powers away. Nationalists wanted that power taken away, they saw it as taking power away from the people, aggressive toward the people. Now the opposite? It’s not about the powers of that but it’s about the symbolism about that. The issues are the past. Unionism says “how can we hand over these powers to those who were violent?” We cannot see ourselves as a real government if we do not take the powers that had oppressed us. Shinn Fein wanted to please/police the people? Newspapers any day of the year will still see at least three stories running that deal with the past- court/prison death cases.

His group got going. Did a lot of meetings with almost every institution that existed within Ireland and to some extent in Britain. 150-160 meetings over a period of… (4-400 people at meetings). Not to be the process but became part of the process. Looked at the landscape of things that were happening or had already happened. Clear where the battles were happening. Battles being fought within the legal system, within the courts. For 40 years the British government claimed this was not a war. No battled fields left and moved on. Two groups of criminals who revolted against the state: IRA one group. Claimed political power. Other groups were loyalists who were illegitimate. The law made the difference between who was and wasn’t on the just side. To make sure that the law was seen through- 300 police officers dedicated to see through the law. Established under policy service a historic inquiry state- 100 officers bringing injustices from the past to the court. Related and liaised with families on what had happened to their loved ones. In many ways one of the conflicts that are most easy to understand…one of the most difficult to understand. We sow together the seeds of the normal institutions and yet running amongst that is all that seeds of politics and long memories that exist longer than any other conflict I can imagine. The conflict is no normal in some ways and so abnormal in other ways. It is hard to resolve conflict in a country as sophisticated as we are. Nothing to easily distinguish British/Irish catholic/protestant. Nobody has actually identified what the conflict is about. We become a caldron of confusion. Set up a public tribunal which has lasted 10-11 years which has not been reported yet which has cost 1 million pound. Took one hour on the Derry streets. Six other tribunals set up later. These meetings are still going on in Belfast. Public can sit in on the meetings although very few do. One is happening in Dublin because two policemen were killed over the Irish border, inside killing. Most fascinating one is a public inquiry of a solicitor who was killed in his own home (Pat Funooken). Policy of collusion between British and Irish governments. State not an innocent bystander but a terrorist. No innocents… government colluded for decades to drive people off their land and eventually take over.

To simplify it: One of the things that they concluded was that it was a disaster to keep fighting the past within the parameters of the judicial system. Judicial process is not about dealing with something so complex as the past. Could go on for another 30 years in judicial system. Second—a lot of bitterness and sectarianism and conflicts still going but living themselves out in other ways- victims group ect. Third—sectarianism was alive and well. A subdivision of church institutions. Thos old theological differences now resulted in… lost past in new modernization. Divided society in housing and schools, some sports, different identities of teams, expressions of culture and so forth. Is there not at least a debate which is about priority about separation and coming together. Within the historical context is it good to stay to stay separted to keep traditions alive or better to say join them together to avoid conflict.

The big thing that we had to face down, the core of this issue, division between those who were killed and those who did the killing. Who were the victims and who were the perpetrators. Follow the law of the land. Anyone killed is a victim. Is written in statute. Not accepted, believed, by a lot of people. Money to be received by all families of those killed. Very big controversy. Can’t deal with the past by giving people money (12,000 pounds). The only way the states deal with the past. If you did that then what you are saying is that the mother of the person who planted the bomb and the mother of the policeman who is killed are the same. Not saying that… big question for society in post conflict situation. Hierarchy of victims. Victims who are more victims than other victims. No easy answers to it. Irish government has said they will pay a recognition (15,00 euros) to every family in a conflict situation, no distinguishes made. No one in NI knew it happened. Politicians didn’t know it had happened. Victims didn’t know it had happened. Widows in NI only given a little money to burry their husbands. 31 recommendations about this. No idea, don’t think it will go away. We have to deal with the past. I think that the worst of the poison is out of the system. People will start discussing things with more rationalism. Biggest recommendation we made was to put effort into beginning the process of trying to reconcile. People storytelling, tackling old issues, being faced with others’ stories, churches being challenged to do greater and better things, do things more together. Won’t be particularly easy. Won’t be complete. Real danger is to give into cynicism. Memories are difficult, complete, passionate. Memories don’t fade that quickly.

Brandon—Healing Through Remembering- his area of expertise, Director of Incore. Interest becomes from personal experiences. Married to a Derry woman. Roots firmly in this territory. International perspective also. Wants questions and dialog with us. From South Africa, worked for Center of violence and reconciliation. Own experience with people who testify before the commission, psychologist. Chairs Healing Through Remembering- organization from all communities, walks of life, victims, perps, over 100 people involved. Debates on how to deal with the past. Running a Day of Reflection recommended. Direct Incore—brought information for us to read. This society has essentially forged an agreement. Where this piece of land actually belongs has not been settled. The agreement essentially says that there will be a peaceful process to decide this. Used a comparison of Irish conflict and South African conflict. South African conflict was very clear, causes clear, not too much of a dispute. Developing victim database for Ireland/NI. People have no problem saying who killed whom. South Africa is symbolic to what is happening here.

My Question: Family involvement and responsibility, personal responsibility: Terrie said she may have read something about this in the Aims/Bradley Report. I plan to read it more carefully for answers to this. Another idea for my paper!
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Dr. Brendon Lynn—Incore

ARK Northern Ireland Social and Political Archive (www.ark.ac.uk)

CAIN (cain.ulst.ac.uk)
Conflict Archive on the Internet
• CAIN project began in 1996, site launched 1997
• Develop an web site on ‘the Troubles’ and politics in the region
• Initial target audience—UK Higher Education, now 2/3 of audience come from other countries

Users
• Site includes information on politics and NI society
• World-wide audience:
o Over 115,000 each month
o Over 75,000 unique sites each month (visitors)

Funding and partnerships by a variety of groups and institutions.

Great website for more information on the Troubles and the people involved. A list of acronyms and such. Key Events. Photographs. Pdf documents. Poetry, works of fiction.

Picture of Jerry Adams, President of Shinn Fein, on money. (Think about the robbery!- 26 million pounds stolen from the National Bank.)

Northern Ireland’s cynical sense of humor.
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Wednesday, March 18, 2009
2:00 Meeting

John Hume! He said most of the same that he’s said to us on Friday. Very interesting conversations regarding conflict and peace. Really likes Danny Boy-Thinks it should be national anthem. An amazing man and Nobel Peace Prize Winner. He is getting older and has developed some sort of alzheimer's although no one has described it as such when they speak of him. The locals are very protective of him and his reputation, as well they should be. I hope all remember him for all the good he has done in his part in bringing peace to Ireland/Northern Ireland after The Troubles.

Meeting with students…
Read book to come out soon: Human Insecurity- written by their professor, not yet published. Very intersting to hear their views of how the Troubles have affected them, the current violence issues, student life on their campus and community. They showed many of the students their living arrangments and introduced them to friends (maybe all but me because I wanted to go back to the guesthouse at that point). Their insights into the world around them and the past now meeting up with the present because of the current happenings really intruiged me.

Steve Baker--
Representation of Paramilitaries in the Media

Martin Maginness leader in the Provisional IRA. Now in politics.

Media played a crucial role in transformation. Troubles started around 1968… Journalists came from all over the world to cover the stories. They did not know how to explain what was happening. Didn’t know the history. Didn’t know the politics. The government saw the conflict as a war against terror. Decent citizens fighting terrorists.

Media played asvertisements for the NIO’s confidential telephone number. Pass information to the government regarding terrorism. Short film—A Future (1988).

Cartoons produced by Sir John Tennial (Englishman).

Odd Man Out (Carol Reed, 1946) Organization is IRA, even though it’s not named in the film.

Cartoon: The Irish, JAK, Evening Standard, London, 29 October 1982.

Short film: Time to Build (1995)?
Real Lives, At the Edge of the Union—Martin Maginess, Gregory Campbell, were considered to be extremist, now both in politics

Short Film (not watched): I Wanna Be Like you (1993)

Short Film: Late, Late Show (RTE, 1994)
Gerry Adams … the most controversial man in Ireland…
Short Film: Panarama: The Man we Love to Hate (BBC, 1995)

Short Film: Reasons for transformation
… a signal to the paramilitaries

Short Film: Give My Head Peace (BBC, 1996)
…humorous approaches
…funny, harmless sectarians?
Two families: Republicans and Loyalists

Short Film: Facing the Truth (BBC, 2006)
Short Films: Peter Taylor’s Provos (BBC, 1997) and Loyalists (BBC, 1999)
…confessional approach—Jim Little was sentenced to death for murder

Short Film: Somme Journey (BBC 2002)
…reflective approach

If you can’t find a solution change the question. Change the perception of the conflict from political to cultural or identity. Can educate about cultural and identity and mold the views toward understanding and adjusting.

Terrie—Film: The Hand That Shakes the Barley

Writing the “Propaganda of Peace” to be published sometime in the future.
…

Friday, March 19, 2009

Today was bitter sweet. We left Michael’s Clarence House early this morning. We were all sad to leave him and he looked like he’s lost his best friends. I think he’s definitely going to miss us. We do plan to keep in touch with him via Facebook which Tolu was nice to set up for Michael. I’m sure most of us will have pictures to tag him in.

After the fond farewell we set off for Belfast, NI. In Belfast we visited both Falls Road and Shankhill Road. Falls Road was inhabited by the Catholic side of the Troubles and Shankhill Road was inhabited by the Protestants. Each road has many murals in remembrance of those who lost their lives in the battles and of the hunger strikers. There seemed to be more personal memorials on Falls Road, including the Garden of Remembrance. Each road had its own feel to it. One side was darker and more sinister feeling while the other was more colorful and deep feeling. There were many reminders of which side of the conflict was represented on each road. These included the flags flying and the curbs painted in red, white, and blue on the Protestant streets.

After the visits to these war-torn areas we headed toward the Parliament Buildings, Stormont. This is the government building for Northern Ireland. There we learned about each of the two main rooms and the great hall then met with a member of STLP. The grounds and the building itself were magnificent. The largest of the chandeliers is on permanent loan from the monarch and there are a few smaller reproductions with it all in a line in the middle of the ceiling in the great hall. The tour guide described the symmetry of the building and I was entranced. I LOVE symmetry! I crave it in my home. I just like how it looks and feels to have furnishings and wall hangings perfectly symmetrical, not that my home is currently a good example of how much I enjoy symmetry. The Stormont building itself is extremely symmetrical in every aspect and detail. If cut in half the building would be an exact copy of itself. The rooms we saw were amazingly beautiful.

Before the tour we had had a great lunch which we were privileged to eat at Stormont, as long as we were accompanied by a pass holder as visitors passes weren’t enough and we had to be escorted anywhere in the building other than the restrooms and the gift/coffee shop. After the tour we met with a member of the STLP political group. He had a lot of interesting information to share with us and we asked questions of him for about an hour. As tired as we all are we managed to stay awake and hopefully attentive enough that he didn’t notice our weary eyes.

When we left Stormont we wandered through a garden on the grounds for a few minutes and then got lost in the city until a group of policemen escorted us to the hotel. They were so very nice and probably went far out of their way to help us.

At the hotel we paired up for our new room assignments (me with Hannah!) and then rested for a bit before enjoying another wonderful dinner. We found a restaurant called Benedict which is an old church converted into a bar/restaurant. The food was again great and now I’ve got a fully tummy and my eyes are drooping.

Good night for now! I’ll write more tomorrow from the airport or once we get back in the states, IF I’m awake that is.
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Friday, March 20, 2009

We’re heading back today. It’s a very bitter sweet day for me. I want so badly to stay in Northern Ireland were the people are very welcoming and the views are amazing. I want to stay and study more about the troubles and how different people were and are still affected by the past. I want to bring my family to this beautiful island.

On the other hand I want to be home sleeping in my own bed and using my kitchen and laundry room. I want a hot bubbly bath in my Jacuzzi tub. I want more than anything to hug and kiss my children and my husband. I want to get back to my “normal” life but I don’t want to leave this part of me behind.

I have grown so much as a person as a result of this trip to Ireland. I know myself better and now understand my depression and anxiety better. I also realized how self conscious I can be and how I crave attention (in a good way). In some ways I have been hard on myself for taking this trip when I know I leave my husband and children at home without me. I also know even more how I want to share this part of my life with my family. I have always loved to travel and so far have only done so within the U.S. mostly to visit family. Ireland would be the perfect place to introduce my husband and children to international travel. Saving money for foreign travel will now be a priority for me.

I now have a deeper sense of who I am and how I can help people with conflict resolution. I still want to make mediation a career in my future and I plan to work toward that goal as soon as possible. I want to help people understand themselves and their conflicts through mediation. This doesn’t mean that I want to become a psychologist or a family therapist. Rather I’d like to help them see that they can handle upsetting moments in their lives through a calm and rational manner of coping and planning. I deeply felt this during my first mediation and throughout my training in the conflict resolution courses. What a peaceful process mediation can be! I want others to experience this. I want them to know that they can work out their issues amicably. If they cooperate in such a mediation they may learn to work out other issues they may face in their lives in a different and better way.

The plane rides home have been long and tiring yet I have not slept. I’m excited to hug and kiss my family and be home in my own house. I also have so many things swirling around in my head that I need to sort out and reconcile. About three more hours and I will be home!

Tomorrow will be another day and I hope to carry what I’ve learned about myself and others from this trip with me from this day forward. I feel that I have grown so very much and I am afraid I will loose my newfound knowledge. I’ll do what I can to retain it and to continue to grow. I also plan to continue to journal and/or blog, hopefully even more regularly. This will help others know me better as well as helping me to understand my own feelings and thoughts. Until then!

Melissa